Is That Meth Stuck In Lindsay Lohan's Nose...

Or is it just shadows?

Britney Is Totally Back On The Fig.

Now that she is not with child, she is totally using coke again. I know, I know, it's Halloween, but c'mon weight loss that fast, bitch please.

Lindsay Lohan: The Crystal Meth Years.

Is this bitch doing the walk of shame. that's what it looks like. I remember one Halloween in Boston, I was like 19 and I was doing the walk of shame (I didn't have money for the T, which I later remembered is free outbound above ground on Comm Ave) in a costume from somewhere in The Fenway to Glenville Ave in Allston. I made it halfway home, before remembering that part of my costume included toilet paper hanging out of my ass.

Derr. And people ask me why I don't drink or do drugs anymore...

Lindsay Lohan Really Needs Help.

So everyone is talking about her apparent psychosis. Bitch was too high, that's all. La Lo, please get help - you are becoming a has been all too quickly. Lay off the meth, the coke, the whatever.

You totally have coke bloat - I know what it looks like - I've had it.

Danny Bonaduce Has A Hot Bod...

But a hot bod doesn't make you any less motherfuckin' crazy. DUDE, get SOBER, yesterday.

Brandon Davis Is A Douchebag.

His costume is retarded. WTF is that a giant firecrotch on his dumb fat head?

But I Thought She Was In Rehab?!?

How the fuck did Nicole pass out at Hyde at 2AM if the bitch is supposed to be getting help for this alleged eating disorder (it's code for meth addiction)?

Did she pull a Mark Foley rehab stint?

Kate Leaves Home With Some Coke Caught All Up In Her Grill.

Once again, I say, lose the dude, he's a mess. Although so are you.

Chloe Sevigny Needs To Stop Using Heroin!

This bitch is a mess. She needs to pull it together or her talent is going to go down the drain, along with her career.

I Wonder What Noni Is On In This Pic?

Those are some moghtly wide open eyes, yo.

I'm A Barbie Girl, In A Barbie World.

Whatsa matter boo? Mary-Kate is lookin like she's been using a little something and it's the next morning. Sniff sniff. Pull it together sweet pea.

Damn, Son. Snoop Arrested AGAIN!

This time for illegal drug possession. His attorneys say it preposterous. I beg to differ.

Nicole Goes To Rehab - AGAIN!

This time for her inability to gain weight. Maybe, just maybe, while she is in there, she will address her pesky meth addiction.

Inability to gain weight. Hmmm, isn't that denial? She's fucking anorexic and bitch needs to eat.

I love her, I do, and I wish her the very bestest.

Rehab was so fun for me.

Like summer camp, but with therapy and 12 step meetings.

I suggest that everyone go to rehab - even if they aren't an addict. I mean when else will you be given the opportunity to take four months off of your life and just work on yourself?

As an adult we are lucky to take off four days.

Rush Limbaugh Is An Asshole.

This cocksucker needs to lay off the illegal prescriptions. What is he jealous that Michale J. Fox can get the scripts he wants? He is such an asshole and it amazes me that anyone actually pays any mind to him. He sucks and needs to disappear like poof.

Bitch, Is You High?

La Lo is just such a fucking mess. She needs to lay off the crystal, it will ruin her. Didn't she learn from her father's ways? Bitch is gonna be arrested or pregnant within the next year. Mark my words.

Please, La Lo, go to rehab, yesterday.

Once Again, Pete Doherty Is The Picutre of Perfect Sobriety.

He got scrappy with a photog in Italy. Seriously, I hope no one touched that blood.
Pete: PLEASE GET THE HELP YOU NEED BEFORE YOU DIE!

Twin Switch!

Has anyone else noticed that Mary-Kate (my bitch) has been looking so much happier than Ashley (fishlips)? I wonder if Mary-Kate is now sober (I never believed for one second she went to rehab for an eating disorder - bitch, please!) and Ashley is the meth head. Meth is so the new black coffee to pull all-nighters at NYU anyway!

Pete & Kate Really make Me Sad.

Shop for rings, get preggers, I don't care. I mean really, Pete is just going to die if he doesn't get the help that he needs and Kate's coked out ass just sits around and enables him. Actually, it infuriates me. If she loved him, she'd be hard on him not let his hard on in her.

I Bet You Cash Money This Bitch Is High!

She's got the "I've got a secret" look on her face that I used to use when I was high on coke around people who didn't (or probably did) know I had just sniffed the white lady.

Freakshow Live!

Poor Pete Doherty. He's gonna die soon if he doesn't get the help that he needs. It's gonna be sad, but not surprising when I hear the news.