I am from planet Bjork...

Why do I have the strange feeling that neither of those two

were involved in the creation of that child?

I Must Say Katie Holmes Looks Good...

Brainwashed, but good. I'm sure Tom has a "no fatties" clause in his contract.

Katie Holmes Might Be A Lesbo.

It all makes sense to me now. Why she is dressed like a man and more importantly, why she is with the gayest closeted actor in America!

And I'm not even going there with the fact that she hangs with Alien Becks.

Holy Tee-Tas!

Katie Holmes must have had a baby, because her titties were not this size when she was bangin' dudes on Dawson's Creek

Spare Me - This Posh/Holmes Shit Is Some Serious Scientology BULLSHIT!

Posh "Me Like Alien"

Homes "Help Me, I Think I Am Being Brainwashed"

Posh "I'm So Suri"

Katie & Posh: A Match Made In Scientology Heaven.

It figures that a brainwashed bitch would end up being friends with an alien with boobs. So pitiful, I tell ya, but those scientologists scare the fuck out of me, they just zap people out of the universe. Scary.

Katie Has Been So Brainwashed.

Look at how scary she looks. See what Tom did to her, he ruined her, I tell ya, RUINED HER!!!

Horrible Couple, Worse Boots.

Lame. He needs to just come out the goddamn closet!

Bull-Motherfucking-Shit!

So there's a baby, and like the baby, I will believe that there is a wedding AFTER I see pictures.

Woah! Suri May Actually Be Tom Cruise's Baby.

So I figure if I didn't put pictures of Suri on here ASAP I'd be a shitty celebrity blogger...

ta-da. It scares me to say, I think that she actually resembles Tom.

She's a cutie, but now, why was she in hiding for so long?!?

Katie Holmes: The Product of Untreated Post Partum Depression!

Look what Fag Cruise is putting her through! For the love of GOD!

See What Lindsay's Father Started... A Maelstrom I Tell Ya.

Katie Holmes: Get out while it's still safe. And take your alien baby.

Suri's stroller my ass.

That's a fucking prop people. Don't fall for this shit.

Is her hair feathered?

Katie, come back to us! What have those scientologists done to you? And your hair?

Is Suri hiding in your bag?

I still don't believe that Suri exists.

... Although I love www.tmz.com for getting their hands on this "official" birth certificate document.

And, uh, he's still a big 'mo.

The Suri Conspiracy.

There is no baby fathered by Tom Cruise. Let's just peruse through the facts.

Marriage #1: Mimi Rogers - no kids.

Marriage #2: Nicole Kidman - 2 kids, both adopted.

He can't have children. A sad but true fact.

He's gay. He should just get over it - everyone else has.

Suri may be Katie's, but the father is someone else. If it weren't for those shots of her stretch marks, I'd be buying into the whole 'it's a pillow' thing.